Starting over after divorce at 30 is said to be the most emotionally challenging age bracket considering the sorrow of enduring the end of a relationship when there are many life goals as a married couple. Through this blog post, we aim to discuss how one can start over after divorce at 30. We will also explore the impact of having children versus not having children if you get divorced at this age. In the end, we will review the impact of divorce on individuals depending on the age bracket they belong to.
How Do You Start Over After Divorce At 30?
To start over a divorce at 30, firstly, one must take time to grieve the end of a relationship that was built with the intention to achieve personal goals together. Secondly, one must work on their emotional health and mental well-being by joining support groups where they can meet individuals who have been through similar challenges. Thirdly, one should start working on their individual life goals even if they were earlier intended to be achieved with a partner.
Starting over after divorce at 30 is not very easy as the marriage is relatively newer as compared to older couples, the partners are young and have many years ahead of them and perhaps many unfulfilled life goals that include a stable relationship and parenthood. This is the reason why one may find it emotionally challenging to accept what was deemed to be inevitable and adjust to the changes in their life.
Once you have been able to process your grief and have gathered control over your emotional reaction to being divorced at 30, you must revisit your life goals and start working towards them. However, there may be certain key decisions that you would need to make especially in the following cases:
- Custody and living arrangements of your children (if any). You will have to decide between joint versus sole custody as well as visitation sessions of the parent who does not live with them. In case your divorce is based on domestic abuse it is highly unlikely that your former partner will be allowed unsupervised visits to your children; let alone custody.
- Your housing arrangements; whether you will continue living in your matrimonial house, move out, sell it and divide the proceeds between your partner and yourself. Ideally, this decision can be taken amicably; otherwise, it can be made part of the divorce proceedings when the matter is taken to court.
- If you are on a low income, financially weaker than your former partner or have not been in service for a long period of time, you may consider claiming spousal maintenance from your former partner. In the UK, spousal maintenance is provided by the financially better-off partner to the weaker one as per court order. This is in addition to child maintenance.
- Consider the tax implications if you share joint investments with your partner, either of you makes a change to your will, establishes a trust, and divides your assets or your family home. You should make an informed decision in such matters by seeking the counsel of a legal and or financial advisor.
If you and your former partner have a pre or post-nuptial agreement in place, refer to it regarding key decisions on child maintenance, the division of assets and management of finances.
Is It Better To Be Divorced At 30 With Or Without Children?
While each individual may have their own answer to this, women who have been through a divorce in their 30s and those who have not been able to find a fulfilling relationship anytime soon after their divorce tend to say that they would have preferred to have at least one child prior to their divorce.
On the other hand, there are some women who have started climbing their career ladder after a divorce and have been able to find a stable, meaningful relationship the second time around with marriage and children on the cards. These women tend to believe that it was better not to have had children from their first marriage as there may have been more loose ends to tie when the divorce took place.
Since the biological clock doesn’t tick as fast for men as it does for women, they generally tend to not feel the remorse of not having children if they get divorced at 30. Secondly, studies suggest that men generally take more time to adjust to divorce especially if they don’t find a partner soon; therefore, they may not be in an emotionally stable place to meet the demands of a young child after a divorce.
If you do have children, there will be numerous decisions needed to be made during the divorce that involve them. From their custody, visitation rights of the parent they don’t live with, to the provision of child maintenance, and change of schools in case the parent they live with moves out of the family home; a lot will have to be taken care of. If you have young children, it may be a challenge to explain the concept of divorce to them and they may need extra nurturing at a time when you are not in the best emotional or mental state.
How Do You Start Over After Divorce At Any Age?
While each age bracket has its own challenges when a marriage ends, below is a quick review of post-divorce challenges faced by individuals depending on their age:
Starting over divorce in your 30s: Since this is a fairly young age to get divorced, the main challenge would be to gather one’s will to progress from the grief that the end of a relationship brings and focus on your children (if any), career (build it if you didn’t have one before) and establishing life goals. Since women who get divorced at or around 35 years of age tend to worry about the ticking of their biological clock when it comes to having kids, the best thing for them is to remain positive about the next meaningful relationship in their life before hurrying up in one to achieve the goal of having kids.
Starting over after divorce in your 40s: According to research, getting divorced in your 40s is the best time to be able to handle the end of a long-term relationship as it is usually a time in your life when your career is stable and the children are not too young. However, one may need to consider the division of assets, selling off their family home, custody of their children as well as adjusting to a major life change post-divorce.
Starting over after divorce in your 50s: This may not be the most ideal age for someone to get a divorce; however, it is still better than staying in an unhappy marriage. To start over after a divorce in your 50s, one will have to first consider the division of their joint investments, savings and assets to make sure that life after retirement is taken care of financially. They will also consider changes to their will or proceeds intended for trust as well as spousal maintenance in case one of them ends up being financially weaker than the other after the divorce.
Starting over after divorce in your 60s: Getting divorced in your 60s is usually unimaginable since couples have grown old together; however, this is the age bracket in which divorce numbers are constantly on the rise; especially in the past few years. Since one is very close to retirement in their 60s, one must make sure that their pension funds, savings, return on investments as well as any jointly or solely owned assets are well accounted for when the divorce takes place. There must be an agreement on housing arrangements as well as spousal maintenance for the partner with no source of income.
However, when it comes to children’s mental health being affected by the divorce of their parents, research conducted by the University College London suggests that children tend to adjust much easier to the divorce if they are between three to seven years of age.
Starting over after divorce at 30 may not be easy but one has a long life ahead with numerous opportunities to find a meaningful stable relationship, get married and have children. In the meanwhile, one must focus on moving on from the grief of divorce, making sound financial decisions regarding assets and investments from their marriage as well as building a financially secure future. It is essential to maintain a balance of positive mental health as well as a fulfilling career during this time.
FAQs: How Do You Start Over After Divorce At 30?
How do you reset your life after divorce?
In order to reset your life after divorce, you must take care of your health; both physical and emotional so that you are able to overcome the strain of the event and set new life goals. One should also maintain a clear focus on their future financial status especially if they have been depending on their former partner earlier. Where children are involved, you may need to consider some key joint decisions regarding their upkeep.
How hard is it to start over after divorce?
How hard it is to start over after divorce varies from person to person and their unique circumstances. If you are coming out of an abusive marriage, are financially comfortable, you have a good support system you may find it easier to start over after a divorce.
Who suffers the most in a divorce?
While most people may not agree but research suggests that men tend to suffer most in a divorce. According to sociologists, men are less likely to take care of their physical and emotional health and with hardly 20% of men being awarded custody of children, the loneliness and lack of attention make men suffer more.
How long does it take to recover from a divorce financially?
As per a report by Reuters, it generally takes 5 years for someone to recover financially from the consequences of a divorce. However, it may take more time for individuals whose mental health has been affected by the impact of divorce and they may continue to need support and counselling.
Can you have PTSD from a divorce?
Yes, you can have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD from a divorce. This can be in the form of night terrors, flashbacks or troubling thoughts regarding the marriage and divorce. These symptoms may sometimes affect the day-to-day lives of individuals affected by them.